For A Reason Read online

  Alex smirked. “Dude, there’s this chick… Wait, there she is.” He nodded over my shoulder. “See for yourself.”

  In hindsight, I should have known who it was before I turned around.

  She looked completely different than the girl who had walked away from me less than an hour ago. Katelyn was now dressed in a loose white tank top with a purple sports bra and tiny, black spandex shorts. No makeup, hair in a ponytail, toned arms, and long, lean legs. Yeah, no wonder the guys were drooling over her. I already knew I was going to have to stay the hell away from this girl.

  She grinned when she saw me. I saw her quickly glance past me, probably noticing Alex and Logan lusting over her. I watched a wicked gleam shine in her dark eyes. She crooked a finger at me, and in response, I raised an eyebrow but didn’t move.

  Katelyn came to a stop right in front of me. She grabbed my arms and slung them on her hips, then she reached up on her tiptoes and draped her arms around my neck. “Baby, where did you go this morning? I was hoping for a morning ride,” she said with a fake pout.

  “Holy shit,” I heard Logan say behind me.

  “No fucking way,” Alex echoed his sentiments.

  Who the hell does she think she is, Mel exclaimed.

  I shook my head and took a step back from her, making her arms fall from my shoulders. “Seriously, Sharp?”

  She laughed, and it felt like tiny little knives to my heart. Rolling her eyes, she said, “Come on, loosen up, Westdyke. Your boys seem to be enjoying the show.” She winked at them.

  A beat of silence then Alex and Logan burst into hysterical laughter. Logan gasped. “Shit man, I thought she was serious. I was thinking ‘how the hell did Tristan Westdyke, Mr. Serious, land that piece of ass?’”

  Katelyn scowled. I punched him in the gut. Hard. “No wonder you’re not getting laid, Logan. You don’t know how to treat women with respect.”

  Logan regained his composure. He sheepishly turned to Katelyn. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s just that Tristan here tends to repel women. I just got carried away.”

  “Repel women?” Katelyn asked in disbelief.

  Alex chimed in. “Well, I mean, they all flock to him at first. ‘Cause, you know, he has those pretty boy looks. But once they get a dose of his icy personality, they tend to get bored. And look to us for…greater things.” Logan punched Alex in the arm, and they started laughing again. Sure, fuckers, laugh it up. I couldn’t get involved with anyone. Letting people in makes one vulnerable to getting hurt. It meant allowing me to hurt them.

  Rather than go off on them, I played the disinterested asshole they just accused me of being. If I tried to access one emotion, then they might all come rushing out. God knows how dangerous five years of suppressed emotion would be if it was ever unlocked. I was pitiful. “Are we going to work out or what?” I deadpanned.

  Katelyn stared at me. I avoided her eyes; they unnerved me with the way they seemed to see right through me. “I’m joining you guys,” she said finally. “I’m Katelyn, by the way. Katelyn Sharp,” she addressed Alex and Logan.

  I turned away to walk to the squat rack, clenching my fists, while the guys introduced themselves. I did not need her to further integrate herself into my world. I needed to get as far away from her as possible. I knew that I had just met her, but I could easily see her trying to get too close. And I didn’t know if I had the willpower to stop her.

  It was the most testosterone-filled workout that we’d ever had. Alex and Logan were going to be sore as hell tomorrow. They had pushed themselves harder than normal, no doubt to show off for Katelyn. I mostly stayed quiet and just listened to the three of them bash each other—she was able to keep up a witty, flirty banter with both of them. Katelyn tried to pull me into the conversation a few times, but I always deflected and steered the conversation back to them. I had gotten good at avoiding small talk over the last few years. I usually found there wasn’t anything worth saying.

  I could feel Katelyn staring at me curiously throughout the workout, as if she had something to say, and it made me uncomfortable. No one usually paid much attention to me after they figured out that I wasn’t one much for talking. Except Katelyn seemed like she was trying to figure me out just by looking at me. I couldn’t have that happen. Not with me as your dirty little secret, Mel chimed in.

  Katelyn revealed a few things about herself while she talked to the guys between sets. I listened and found out this was her first year here, but she was a sophomore. Only one year behind us in school. She used to be a dancer, but now she only considered it a hobby. No siblings, and she wasn’t in a good place with her parents right now. She was studying psychology; she wanted to be a therapist or a psychiatrist, but she wasn’t exactly sure what kind yet. The irony… Maybe I could be her first patient as a practicing psychiatrist. Then she would probably end up dropping the whole profession.

  The more she revealed about herself, the more I felt myself getting intrigued.

  What about me? Mel’s voice whispered in my head. Are you forgetting me, Tristan?

  I clenched my jaw. “Guys, I’m heading out. I have a midterm tomorrow that I need to study for.”

  Alex and Logan nodded at me as to say bye, still entranced by Katelyn. However, Katelyn stopped her story and turned to me. We locked eyes for a moment, and it made the hair on the back of my neck prickle in awareness. “I’ll see you around?” she asked uncertainly. This was the first time I had heard her sound timid. I felt like shit; I was being a dick, and she was new here, just trying to make friends.

  Before I knew what I was doing, I had walked back to her. I pulled her into a one-armed hug, despite our sweatiness, and placed a quick kiss on the side of her head. “You know where to find me,” I murmured to her before pulling away. I gave her one last look, noting she looked a little dazed by the gesture—she couldn’t be any more surprised than I was. But she smiled before I turned away, which made my unease turn into some feeling which I immediately suppressed.

  I nodded to the guys one more time, grimacing a little when I saw their mouths drop open a little. I walked to the locker room to grab my gym bag and then headed back to my apartment.

  THE DARKNESS WAS CRUSHING me. There was an incessant beeping noise coming somewhere near the left side of my head. It felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t move. I tried to take a deep breath, and the pain on the right side of my body made me think that a car was hitting me.

  A car. We were hit by a fucking car.

  Mel. Where was Mel? The pain intensified as my breaths started getting faster. I vaguely heard the beeping noises increase, too.

  I needed to see Mel. Why couldn’t I open my eyes? Mel!

  I heard voices.

  “Is he waking up?”

  “What’s happening?”

  “Tristan, can you hear me?”

  “Tristan, listen to me. You need to calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

  Hurt myself? Why the fuck did I care if I hurt myself? Where was Mel? Why wasn’t she there? I strained to move my fingers. My toes. Anything.

  “He’s panicking. We need to sedate him,” I heard through my fog.

  The noises slowly faded. Then nothing.

  I shot straight up in my bed panting. Dammit. The dreams. I hadn’t had that one in a while. I rubbed my arm instinctively. That damn car had damaged most of my right side. It took months of extensive therapy and surgeries for me to regain all motor control. The driver had been texting, so she wasn’t paying enough attention to see two people in front of her car. But I couldn’t even really blame the driver. It was my fault that Mel had been in that spot at that time. My fault.

  I looked at the clock. It read four thirty in the morning. I groaned and fell back against the headboard. I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep anytime soon. I debated either going for a run or studying for the genetics midterm I had later that afternoon.

  I rolled out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom. I put my hands on the edges of
the sink and studied my reflection in the mirror. I still looked the same. Tortured. Haunted. Vacant, dark blue eyes staring back at me, clean-shaven face, and a body built from all those hours at the gym to waste time. My dark hair was getting a little long and messy again, but I kept it like that just to bother my mother. Not that I ever saw her much these days.

  My mother. She had snapped out of her drunken haze after the accident. I think it was the thought of losing me after already losing my sister and dad. She had gotten her shit together and tried to start acting like a mom again. But, by that time, she was too late. She had already lost her son.

  Disgusted at myself, I splashed water on my face and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee.

  That genetics midterm was killer. I rubbed my head as I walked across campus in the direction of H lot where my car was parked. I needed to go home, change, and take some pain medicine. My phone started vibrating, and the screen lit up with a number I didn’t recognize.

  I swiped to answer. “Tristan Westdyke speaking.”

  “Wow, do you always sound so formal whenever you answer the phone?” a female voice chortled on the other end. “I mean, you sound thirty-five instead of twenty-two.”

  “Katelyn?” I stopped abruptly and pressed the phone closer to my ear. “How the hell did you get my number?”

  “How was your midterm?” She avoided the question. “Wanna go to a party tonight to blow off steam?”

  “How did you get this number?” I growled. “Was it Alex and Logan?” They were dead assholes.

  “Nope,” she said, popping the ‘p.’ “They definitely wanted my number, but I got them to give me theirs instead.” She laughed; a carefree sound that made me envious.

  “I don’t have time for this, Katelyn. Give me a straight answer, or I’m hanging up,” I threatened.

  She sighed. “So grumpy—fine, fine. I may or may not have charmed the guy working at the front desk of the library to access the database for the tutors and give me your number.”

  I was dumbfounded. “And it worked?”

  “What can I say…I have a way with men. Besides, all I had to say was that I needed your help with something from our session yesterday, and it sounded legit enough. Anyway, party tonight? Alex and Logan asked me if I wanted to go.”

  I started walking again. “Can’t.”

  “Bullshit. Why not?” she pressed.

  “I have a twelve-hour shift in the ambulance starting at eight tonight.” I reached my car and got in. I worked at the hospital two or three times a week. Sometimes, I shadowed doctors and surgeons, but most of the time, I preferred to be an Emergency Medical Technician or EMT, which was what I got to do tonight. I had a license for it, and it was closest to what I wanted to do. Also, it helped the most with getting my mind off things. Mel had the least to say when I was preoccupied at the hospital. “I’m sure you can manage at a party without me anyway. You have the guys’ numbers; just ask one of them to be your date. I’m sure it would be absolutely no bother for them,” I added sarcastically. Where the hell did the sarcasm come from? Stay cool, Tristan. She might think you’re interested.

  She sighed dramatically. “But they’re just not as fun to mess with as you are. Maybe we can go tomorrow! You’ll have plenty of time to rest after your shift by the time a party starts tomorrow, right?”

  God, I really didn’t go to parties much. It was either about drinking or finding someone to hook up with. I didn’t do either of those things. Well, not anymore. I pulled into a parking spot at my apartment complex. “Dammit, Katelyn. I really don’t like parties. Why are you so insistent on me coming?”

  “I don’t trust Alex and Logan, but I trust you. I can’t go to a party where I don’t trust anyone. Pleaseeee? I’ll make friends at this one! So that you don’t have to go with me to another one!” I could almost see her pouting on the other end of the phone. Fuck me. I slammed the car door shut.

  “Fine. I’ll go. But, Katelyn, just know I don’t usually do favors for people. So, don’t get used to it. We are not friends, got it?”

  “Yeah,” she murmured sadly. “Got it.”

  You’re a dick, Mel chimed in.

  I’m sorry, I thought. It’s for your own good, I wanted to say. The farther away she got from me, the better. Instead, I said, “Look, I’ll talk to you later. I have to get ready for my shift. I—I’m sorry. It’s just better this way.”

  “Sure. Bye.” She quickly hung up, before I could respond. I sighed heavily. I usually didn’t feel this bad about pushing people away, but for some reason I was feeling guilty about being a douche to Katelyn. I’d make it up to her tomorrow by going to that stupid party.

  I didn’t know what it was about the chaos of the hospital that was just so soothing to me. Maybe it made me feel less alone knowing that some places and situations were crazier than my messed-up head. Either way, I knew I definitely wanted to be a trauma surgeon. I needed to be one.

  Nothing else matched the adrenaline rush when I was an EMT. The twelve-hour shift seemed to fly by for me when I was riding in the ambulance. It was more than easy to throw myself into a situation where someone’s life was hanging by the thread and I was one of the people who could do something to save his or her life.

  Tonight wasn’t any more hectic than usual. We were called to a couple of car accidents. There were some injuries, but no fatalities and no life-or-death situations. Before I knew it, it was eight thirty in the morning and time to head back to my apartment.

  I showered as quickly as possible and I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. No dreams. I was too tired for them. Which was the point.

  I WOKE UP TO an apartment bathed in sunlight. The clock read five p.m. Shit—too much sleep. At least it had been nightmare free. I rolled over and grabbed my phone off the nightstand. I had messages, mostly about the party tonight, but the ones that caught my attention were the four from Katelyn. I opened them up to see some pictures and memes. I chuckled, surprised. What the hell, Katelyn? I checked the others, but they weren't as funny as the first one. I texted her back.

  Tristan: Is that first meme you sent me a hint?

  Katelyn: ?

  Tristan: That you’re already secretly in love with me.

  My phone started vibrating with Katelyn's number flashing on the screen. I debated not answering, knowing it would probably piss her off that I was texting her yet not answering her phone call. But I answered sounding bored. "What's wrong with texting, Sharp?"

  Katelyn ignored my question, and instead, she gasped. "Are you actually teasing me? Mr. Don't-know-how-to-laugh?”

  "It's been known to happen from time to time," I replied dryly.

  "Har har. Well, no, it's not a hint. I just thought you could use a laugh. Or two. Or ten..." she trailed off.

  I sighed. "I know how to laugh." I just felt guilty every time I did.

  "Well, you should do it more often. Like maybe at the party tonight. You're still coming with me, right?"

  "I'm not coming with you, but I’ll be going to keep an eye on you." I planned to remind her of our boundaries constantly. Or maybe I was just trying to keep myself in check. I reared away from that thought before I could dwell on it for too long.

  She groaned, which surprisingly sent a shock of desire through me. "Same freaking difference, Tristan. The bottom line is that I'll see you tonight, yeah?"

  "Yeah," I responded gruffly. What was happening to me?

  "Text me when you're on your way. Let’s go around ten-ish? I'm off to do some homework. Laters, dude," she chirped.

  "Uh-huh. Bye." I hung up the phone and dragged my feet to the kitchen to get something to eat.

  Whatcha doin’, Tristan? Mel whispered. You're getting too close to this new girl. Maybe you just need to fuck her out of your system.

  I gritted my teeth as I went to the fridge to make myself dinner. Shut up, Mel. There's nothing going on. It's just this one time. I'll set her up with a bunch of new friends tonight, make sure she gets ho
me okay, and then start avoiding her.

  Right, if she lets you get away, Mel responded sarcastically.

  She doesn't call the shots, Mel. I do. And I had been. Ever since my dad had left me alone with my drunk mother, I refused to let anyone else dictate my life. If I wanted to cut ties with Katelyn, then I could. Easily. I had just met her. How hard would it be to cut her out of my life?

  It was almost ten p.m., so I decided to text Katelyn to see where she was at. I really didn’t want to pick her up. If we arrived together, then people would start saying shit and I really didn’t need whatever our relationship was to be even more complicated.

  Tristan: You ready to go?

  Katelyn: Umm. Don’t be mad…

  Tristan: What

  Katelyn: We’re already at the Kappa Sig house

  I cursed. Out of all the parties that were going on tonight, she had to go to that one. I never trusted frat parties, even if I was friends with a lot of fraternity guys. Who was she with? She had texted “we.” Fuck, I just needed to get over there.

  Tristan: On my way

  I finished getting ready by throwing on some clean clothes—I didn’t really care what I looked like tonight. The Kappa Sig house was only ten minutes away, but parking was going to be a bitch.

  Why are you so stressed, Tristan? Mel taunted. What’s the worst that can happen?

  Shut up, Mel, I snarled in my head. Girls shouldn’t go to frat houses by themselves. Golden rule.

  It only took me a few minutes to get to the house, and I was lucky enough to find parking. I rushed to the entrance of the house, but there was a line to get in. Guys had to pay for this one, which wasn’t a surprise. I hoped Jase was at the entrance. I slowed to a casual stroll as I neared the door, passing the long line of people waiting to get in. Jase wasn’t there, but Michael was. Perfect.

  I flashed a grin at the girl in the short red skirt and tight, low-cut white top who was talking to Michael at the front of the line. She gave me a coy smile back, and I took that as an okay to cut into the conversation.